Relationships: Recipe for Success
When considering what goes into a successful marital or other coupling relationship, we might first consider what to leave out of the relationship. Those wanting a successful relationship are well advised to leave such attitudes toward your partner as: avoidance, contempt, condescension, get someone to love you scorn, condemnation, ridiculing, disdain, indifference, discourtesy, and manipulation out of the mix.
So, now that we know what ingredients to leave out, let’s look at some important ingredients for a successful relationship. Important qualities to possess when one wants a successful relationship are/to be:
- Present and Available
- Receptive and Accepting
When each person in any relationship makes improvements in these ways of being, the relationship will improve. When positive intentions, good communication skills and a sense of humor are added; the relationship is more likely to flourish. Let’s consider each of these ingredients for successful relationships to more fully understand how they impact what is experienced.
Being Present and Available
To be present one has to have their attention in the present time and directed on the other person in the relationship. To be available one has to be ready to participate. When either person in a couple is not mentally in the present and focusing on the other person, it is hard to work on the relationship itself. This is not to say that those in a relationship are in the present and ready to interact with the other partner 24-7.
This is also not to say that a relationship is not enhanced by those times when one partner is in the present and listening to their partner whose attention is focused on the past or the future. In these cases it is most beneficial when there is agreement and reciprocity. When it is time to focus on the relationship, it is most helpful for both partners to have their attention on the other and be ready to participate.
The level of trust each partner in a relationship has for each other is of paramount importance. When a partner is trustworthy, their partner can rely on their integrity and character as well as be confident that what they say is true. In short, they can be relied upon to speak the truth and do what they say, to the best of their ability. This trust promotes a feeling of safety within the relationship and thus creates fertile ground for relationship success.
Being Receptive and Accepting
Relationship success is further enhanced by each partner’s receptivity to and acceptance of the other partner. Positive progress in a relationship is supported when each partner is capable, ready, and willing to receive from the other partner through verbal as well as not verbal means in a good natured manner with gladness and approval.
One of the most important qualities for partners to demonstrate to their mates is the giving and receiving of respect. Respect encompasses such qualities as genuine admiration, high opinion, reverence, and value. When we respect someone we hold them in high regard-their comfort and wellbeing are important to us. When the partners start to give particular attention and consideration toward the other, as well as to the relationship itself, by expressing special and high regard; the success of their relationship is enhanced.
Besides being genuinely respectful to one another, being forgiving is essential to success in relationship. In fact respect and forgiveness are closely tied and work together in tandem. Forgiveness means to excuse ourselves or another for a fault or an offense. Forgiveness can occur only when one chooses to forgive. Our understanding of forgiveness is enhanced when know what it is, what it is not, and how it is facilitated.